At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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