Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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