I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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