I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
