What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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