People in love make me want to vomit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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