I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
