When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
