Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
