Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
