I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
