Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
