A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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