Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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