I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
