so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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