I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
