I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
