i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this just has baby written all over it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
