hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
