I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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