whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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