We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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