I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm too high and old for this...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
