Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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