just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
