I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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