jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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