take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
