Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
