Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
