I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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