Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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