Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
