It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize