I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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