dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
