But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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