dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i think i just lost a toe
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize