I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
