Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize