i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
