i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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