My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
where does the pee come out of this thing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
