I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
