Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize