yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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