Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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