You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
