you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
