No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
