Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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