my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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