adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
