i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
