found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
