brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
