No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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