Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize