hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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