yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
