did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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