It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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