would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize