Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
