Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
