PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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