My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They took my balls.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
