The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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