The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
