May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
