Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
