Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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