I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
