Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
